MILLION DOLLAR IDEA OF THE WEEK

I actually have a few today. Seriously, we're all gonna get stinking, filthy rich.

1).Meat Shakes.

Sell themselves, right?

2). Ice cream delivery service. It’s like pizza delivery, but instead – it’s ice cream. Ice Cream takeout. I am just blowing my mind with outrageous brilliance right now. Why hasn’t anyone done this? Let me set the scene.

It’s Thursday night. You’ve had a long day, your feet hurt and you just finished your Hamburger Helper while catching up on some work emails. (you workaholic!...but lovely shawl)

You need to relax and your favorite Marx Brother’s comedy just became available on Watch Instantly. Some ice cream would really help you unwind. In your mind you see this

It's tantalizing you like some kind of oasis mirage in a desert (plus, I think Hamburger Helper has hypnogogic properties - you need to start eating real food, OK?). But there’s no way you’re going back out again into the fray…it's insane out there. Everyone sweaty and mean, brazenly grabbing and pushing - ready to death-fight you for Ice cream! Everyone!

Not to mention you’re already so cozy. Plus, you’re single/drunk/your significant other is as cozy as you are and there’s no way you’re getting any ice cream unless someone brings it to you. You’ll even buy. You would spend $10-$400 if someone brought you some ice cream right now.

But wait!
They Will!...TA DA! Money in the bank. And it’s for such a worthy cause. (me eating ice cream is the noblest of not remotely noble causes)

For me, as I'm sure it is for everyone, the ice cream Roller Coaster is quite an episodic wandering for the soul. Because you really want it, and then you don't have any...but you wanted it enough that you get some!! It's just such a cleansing journey - basically like Dante's Inferno but for the modern warrior. I think I can illustrate:

When I experience Ice Cream, I hear and see exactly this

Ice Cream delivery will help bring love and joy to this lonely world. Forever's gonna start tonight.

Weather Channel...?

A Commentary

I was curious as to what the weather would bring this weekend and so yesterday I went to the Ace’s least favorite weather-information website, (which he calls one big ad and “bedmate of Monsanto”) the Weather channel online, or Weather Channel.com. Very quickly, I was bombarded with questions and vague assumptions that made me feel a uncomfortable and offended, which completely eclipsed me noticing that apparently it is going to be a monsoon weekend and I should bring an umbrella and dinghy wherever I traverse.

What are you trying to find out here, Weather channel.com? I’m not shopping per se…but I do like to furnish my home or office with Ikea-like goods. So I suppose you could refer to those as “Enhancements,” but what has that got to do with it probably raining this evening? Hm, perchance Saturday holds a more reasonable weather prediction for me.

Flu activity on Saturday…What are you trying to say? You’re making a lot of assumptions I don’t feel comfortable with and I feel like you need to be checked before you get wrecked. By yourself. Wait, are you hexing me, witch style? You’re giving me the flu on Saturday? Crap, I was going to watch the World Cup!

Maybe Sunday will be better…

Okay, now you’re asking me questions?? You’re the Weather Channel.
You’re supposed to be the one who knows if pollen translates to an early spring (and I thought it was a groundhog, but maybe the Weather Channel.com is from a different country than us where they use a particle of pollen to check its shadow instead…). Not me!

And BT DUB, it’s freaking summer and it has been for like a month (although not according to the solstice, so don’t bother trying to sound smart by telling me that, I already know). Whether or not we had an early spring is frankly irrelevant, Weather Channel.com.

Fine, the Ace – you win. NOAA it is.

Yes, they’re not the sleek privatized weather watching entity that Weather channel.com once was, but at least at NOAA I’m not attacked like Kim Kardashian leaving the plastic surgeon’s office by a group of manic, paparazzo-like questions about home décor and allergies. Also, what is with your abbreving, WCdC? I know “Thunderstorms” is kind of a long word, but maybe if you weren’t hassling people about their private lives, you’d have enough room to write out the full words for things like, you know, weather.
Consider yourself served.