First

By my command, Greetings and welcome!

From the above, you probably think I am a big Battlestar Galactica-ekkie or whatever those are called.

Not that I have anything against those things. I mean, they’re not things they’re people and they deserve respect, but I just happen to not be one of them. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with watching the Sci-fi channel like it is real network TV.

I think we’re getting off on the wrong foot.

Let me start over.

Hi, this is my blog!

It’s not much. Just an avenue or launch pad for discussions on things that interest me - and really the world at large, I think. My intention is actually for this to be more of a forum or discussionable (it’s a thing) (it is now) for stuff that…well that I like. Don’t come all up in here expecting to talk about, say Lady Gaga or…well, Battlestar Gallactica. Or other television related things.

I don’t have a TV.

That’s sort of a lie.

I have a large HD TV that weighs about 14 tensor bundles – seriously, it’s so heavy it takes rocket propulsion to escape the carpet’s atmosphere - that my animal spirit guide found on the curb in a rich section of town. It has amazing picture quality and hooks up nicely to my Wii, PS3 (suck it, Microsoft!) and other electronic products. I absolutely did not steal my TV. Someone was throwing it away.

I guess what I don’t have is cable. Or the internet. Or a phone.

I’m cheap.

Not like I’m promiscuous, like frugal. Measured with regard to spending. Not sluttish. Although if we still operated on a barter system, I would never be offended if someone propositioned me that way, since I think barter systems are excellent means of economy and so, to be fair to everyone, no method of barter could be deemed unacceptable. Sort of an ACLU bartering system where, well maybe you’re doing something totally evil and crappy but as long as it’s within the terms of the law hey, barter to town. Barter down! I would of course have to turn said propositioners of ess ee exing down, because ew, no and also you slut! But bartering, all for it.

Also, why don’t farmer’s markets accept bartering? They take checks but not a pair of old Sketchers? They are in perfectly good shape. I give you the Sketchers; you give me the kale. These Sketchers are a fashionable pink-and-black color scheme with a skull-like emblem (with bow to denote femininity) and have a sturdy polystyrene base – they will last you for centuries. Put them on your pigs in winter to keep them from getting icy mud all up in their toes.

Actually don’t do that – no self-respecting adult should ever dress up cats/dogs/pigs/babies like they’re actually people and talk to them like they’re conscious beings. EW. Get an i-pod. Take-up ikebana. Talk to your actual friends and/or loved ones. Having a dachsund with a name like “Chester M. Worthington III” who wears ascots and has his own cell phone is like kryptonite for self-respecting adults and therefore any potential mate you may come across.

I don’t think I’m much of a self-respecting adult (see: barter system) but I know that much.

This is getting out of control. I just wanted to say hi, welcome, come here and talk about cool things or post your thoughts about the cool things I am going to bring up, like constantly because I know what I like and it is cool! CUPCAKES! MAGNADOODLES! TALKING WITH RICK JAMES-LIKE INFLECTION! It’s all here.