Proportional Munchings

EATING eating chomping.

I’m so hungry right now, you guys. I have two bananas that I got at Costco, and they were so flipping green that I thought, oh great – finally I won’t have 1 or 2 bananas that go bad and therefore waste thousands of cents on nothing, these will definitely be eaten while they are ripe. Well I waited. And Waited. And it’s now Tuesday at 4:39 (I got these on Saturday) and these bananas are so green I could use them to hammer siding. Seriously, it’s bad. So my eating for the day has consisted of…juice. This morning. At 8AM. Yeah. I’m freaking starving. I’m probably going to eat someone’s face off on the way home. I just emailed the Ace (all spirit animals have smart phones) and was like “Food ME inside my stomach chewing. Can you do that please now?” Engrish is my third language.

And I was like so serious in the email trying to express that it was essential I eat right as soon as I get home, and then I read it after I sent it (just to make sure there were no typos or anything because I’m that neurotic) and that was basically what I typed. Stellar.

My stomach feels like two pieces of plywood rubbing against one another and sawdust is flying all over the place making people cough. Similar to that.

And I have the Home Improvement theme stuck in my head. Curse you, Tool Man! When I hear the home improvement theme song that means it is 8PM on a Wednesday night, I’m in 7^th grade and I’m enjoying a Healthy Choice spaghetti and peas dinner with my mother while she indulges in a microwaved baked potato with some fat free salsa. And maybe a slice of light wheat bread with light margarine. And NOTHING ELSE. If you want something else, you can have a piece of fruit, you don’t need any more bread.

So, you can see why HI is making me feel slightly delirious – on top of my ravenous-ness.

GAAAAH, I would crawl across hot coals for some of those Healthy Choice peas. TV Dinners are the equivalent of eating salted crude oil and I wouldn’t pass one up right now. Why?!

Let's all just pretend to be space sailors to drown out the hunger growls.