CONFESSIONS

I have watched Saving Private Ryan probably 300 times. It’s a good film and it’s shot in a shaky-cam style that, for the time (theatrically released in 1998) was fairly revolutionary, as it introduced “gritty realism” to battle scenes. There are lots of studly guys in it. I watched it every single day in freshman and sophomore year of high school. Literally, almost every day. I got ready to it. Like, put on my sluttish teen make-up to the beach scene at Normandy.

I think it desensitized me to war movies. Just movie violence in general. Really violence in general. I could probably watch someone getting their arm blown off across the street and just keep right on enjoying my Bugles.

It’s not something I’m proud of…and I think it might be kind of disturbing to people that I used to eat oatmeal while hot rolling my hair and watching Adam Goldberg get slowly stabbed. Or Giovanni Ribisi bleed to death from a machine-gun wound to the liver. Gross. But hey, it woke me up in time for 7:45 rubbish-teaching!

This confession is more about my shame at having attended public school. Don’t do it! CONFESSION.

Incidentally, I used to tell people Tom Hanks was my dad. In first grade. At a PUBLIC SCHOOL!