Moustaches

Really? Why do you still have one?

Gross. Hello, it’s not 1871 or prior anymore, people. We all know who the last president to have a moustache was (hint: it was one of the bathtub sticking ones)…and frankly, I don’t understand why you would want to be associated with the fattest, richest president in our lexicon of fat rich presidents.

And don’t those get food stuck in them? And like, numerous other particles?

Of course, I'm sure there are some perks

And, I can see how they act as front line nose hairs for all of the pollution and poisonous gas floating around in our oxygen and I am always very grateful of my nose hairs filtering air and making it a more reasonable temperature for my throat and lungs to deal with. So I’m not knocking nose hairs in general – nose hairs are great! Just seeing other gentlemen’s roam around freely is sort of…old worldish to me.

I do enjoy those really long handlebar ones that like genies and stuff have. Genies are great! And I bet if you have a genie, you don’t even need nose hairs anymore. Just wish for cleaner air. Al Gore, I’m looking at you.