So when I’m going around doing stuff, I like to have a book in case of some down time. And I don't have a personal cell phone, so if I am getting emails/calls, they're probably work related so not exactly the best way to relax.
Thus I have found, it helps to have a book on me at all times one because I like reading with my eyes (as opposed to letting my eyes wander carelessly around the room and perhaps linger too long on some awkward location on someone’s person and then they catch me and I’m like dang it, eyes! I knew I should have given you something to do!) and two because most of the options in doctors’ offices or DMV lobbies aren’t exactly my favorite thing to read. (sorry, Hot Hobos Quarterly)
So I keep a book in my purse. As I am always (barely) trying to grow and become a better person, I tend to read self-help. Currently, my pursebook is When Things Fall Apart by Buddhist teacher Pema Chodron.
Here is a picture of the cover:
It’s really a wonderful book, one of those that you can have for years and re-read over and over, each time finding some new, helpful insight that strikes you. I have probably read it three or four times and it’s one of my favorites.
The problem?
Well…it sort of makes me look like a suicidal hippie. And not even because of the title. Because of my neurotic chain reaction after someone asks me about it.
One time, I was reading it over lunch at work, and an office lady walked by and went, “Oh, what are you reading?” (OK, first of all I hate when people ask this…it’s like, just look at the cover if you want to know and also why do you even care? This isn’t a book club – this is work/Sparta. I’m citing you for insubordination!)
Begrudgingly, I held up the book so she could see the title…and of course she looked at me with this droopy dog face as if to say, “Oh do you have cancer? Or maybe you’re one of those Sally Jesse Raphael moms and your teenager beats you?”
And so of course I felt the need to clarify.
“No, I’m not sad - it’s about Buddhism.”
And the lady cocked her head at me only without sympathy now, and instead with sort of a “does it smell like waffles in here to you?” look and said kind of bluntly, “Oh are you into that?”
And I was like, “…Uhhh…Well, I guess so – it’s more about putting compassion into every day life.” But by then she was totally weirded out (maybe because she was expecting to have to comfort a dying hippie–or am I really that snobby?) and was already on her way out of the kitchen while she said something like, “Oh okay.”
So…I kind of stopped reading it at work and other public places for a while. But it’s such a helpful book, I always wind up carrying it around again.
And anyway, don’t judge me just because I want to be a better person. That book helps me and probably countless others so who cares if someone like Office Drone Susan McJagginstacks doesn’t get it. Insubordination!
And that type of silly neurotic behavior is exactly why I need to be reading the book in the first place. If you’re going to go to pieces & get all uppity when someone takes a polite-if-nonchalant interest in what you are reading, chances are you should to be reading from the Self-help section anyway. Thank you, Pema Chodron. You have changed my life – sorry I always fall short of your instructions, but I know you understand.
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